The Hidden Cost of Being Queer on the Clock
🏳️🌈 It’s Pride Month… yay?
June (and October, if you're in South Africa) can be a tricky time for many queer folks. Pride Month is often when the double lives we lead become more visible—especially if you’re not “out” at work.
Cue the insincere posts, rainbow logos, and performative allyship!
(Note: Don’t mistake the “we’re inclusive” line in your boss’s email for actual safety.)
Why Queerness at Work Does Matter
You might be wondering: Why does it even matter if we talk about queerness at work? Maybe you do your job, go home, and find your community outside of work. And if that’s working for you—amazing!
But for many of us, it’s not that simple.
Choosing to stay silent about our identities can feel like the safest option, but that silence often comes at a cost. And as workplaces preach “bringing your full self to work” and prioritize diversity and inclusion (on paper at least), we’re constantly negotiating between survival and authenticity.
Coming out is not a one-time event—it’s a constant dance with context. We do it with family, at restaurants, while walking with our partners—and yes, at work too.
The Real Risks of Coming Out at Work
Even as queer visibility grows, coming out at work can still feel like a major risk. We face:
Discrimination and harassment
Isolation or tokenization
Ignorance or microaggressions
…and if you’re also navigating other marginalized identities like being Black, disabled, or part of a minority religion, the risks multiply.
So we often choose not to come out—for safety. But the cost? Our dignity, peace of mind, and sometimes our mental health. Feeling like you’re hiding can lead to anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria, and burnout. It also impacts how well we do our jobs—because it’s hard to thrive when you're constantly in survival mode.
This isn’t about shouting your identity from the rooftops. It’s about having the freedom to just be—without needing to shrink or edit yourself to feel safe.
Many of us know what it’s like to:
Laugh awkwardly when someone misgenders us or our partner
Dress in gender-conforming ways to avoid attention
Avoid correcting colleagues or answering personal questions honestly
These aren’t choices we should have to make.
Stats Don’t Lie
In the U.S., 53% of LGBTQ employees hide their identities at work due to fear of being unwelcome.
In South Africa, a 2022 census revealed that over 40% of people still believe same-sex relationships are “always wrong.”
If your workplace isn’t actively working on being inclusive, it’s likely reinforcing harm—whether intentionally or not. Culture seeps through, even if we don’t “talk about home” at work. And considering we spend a third of our lives with our colleagues, inclusivity isn't optional—it’s essential.
So, What Can You Do About It?
If You’re a Business Owner or Manager:
Stop waiting for someone to “come out” before you care. LGBTQ employees might already be in the room.
Work with queer inclusion consultants to build policies and a workplace culture that goes beyond surface-level pride.
Audit your culture. Are there jokes, dynamics, or unspoken norms that make it harder for queer folks to show up fully?
Listen to impact, not just intention. Even if you “mean well,” learn how your workplace actually feels to queer staff.
If You’re a Queer Employee:
You don’t owe anyone your story. But if you’re thinking of coming out at work, here are a few steps you can take:
Create a care plan.
Think about what emotional, mental, and logistical support you might need before, during, and after.Find or build a support system.
Whether it's one trusted colleague, a queer ERG (employee resource group), or a friend outside of work—don’t do this alone.Know your rights.
Review your company’s anti-discrimination policies. Understand what protections exist and what to do if something goes wrong.
4. Celebrate the small wins.
Sometimes the biggest win is not correcting someone—but choosing what feels safest for you in that moment. That’s power, too.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re out at work, stealth, or still figuring things out—you’re not alone. You deserve to feel safe and respected wherever you are, including in your job.
This Pride Month, let’s shift from rainbow logos to real, sustained action. And if your workplace doesn’t feel like a safe space for you to exist authentically, that’s not your fault—it’s a signal that there’s more work to do.
We all deserve more than survival.